My parents come up this weekend for a day:tomorrow. I'm glad I get to see them. I miss them so much, more than I'd care to admit. I haven't seen my Dad in a long time. I'm looking forward to spending time with them and going home the 29th so I can see my brother, my sister my nephews and nieces and my boyfriend. James has been working at UPS and seems to enjoy it so I'm happy for him. I miss him and hope that he will come to see me as soon as possible. Nothing feels the same without him. I'm questioning myself, my friends, my aspirations, everything. When I'm with him I never do that. I always feel secure and believe in myself and what I'm doing here. Now I'm not so sure what to think, or do for that matter. I'm just whining, I know but I've gone so long with listening to other people's shit and putting my own problems aside that I'm sick of it. Call me a bad person, call me selfish even, fuck you I don't care.
I just feel lost, that's all. Lost beyond a shadow of a doubt. I wonder what good I'm doing being here. I wish I could be more like my mother. She is always caring of others but finds the medium where she knows how to take care of herself too. God I am a dork.